Tag Archives: Comedy

The Case of the Missing “Southern Lady”

07 Monday Sep 2009

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makedomondays

Struggling to find a dessert appropriate for the Park Place

Literary Society (neighborhood Book Club), the above magazine title captured my attention from inside my neighbor’s bin. 

 Wednesday is recycling day in our neighborhood, a magazine “Southern Lady” peaked out at me as I was walking Daisy.

  I was Eve and this was my apple.  If I chose to pick this up, am I recycling, repurposing or stealing?

Do not steal.  Deuteronomy 5 v. 19 HSB

A wee bit gauche,  the question was placed on my Facebook wall in hopes friends would prevent an errant deed on my part, and waited.  Letting on I had it in my possession,  I simply asked “would it be stealing if I was sitting here reading it now?”

Here are the responses I recieved:

Noelle- I would say no.  BUT (lol) if you walk away with it, maybe.Book club

Sharilyn- No way. You are actually recycling it.

Sandy- Nope!  You know what they say about one person’s trash…006

Tim- No.  because once they throw it out it’s no longer their property.

Noelle- Is any compensation paid to the homeowner for his recyclable items? ( in Seattle you get a small sum back)

Tim- Good point, put it back when you are done.

Margaret- I know you will do what is best dear sis, you have an honest and clean heart.

The winning recipe came from my own, BHG  Better Homes and Gardens (New Cook Book) page 81, Blueberry Buckle.

Hoping to hear your thoughts,

Trish

Brian’s Chopped Salad

07 Friday Aug 2009

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Daniel 1: 14 -16 The steward agreed to do it and fed them vegetables and water for ten days. At the end of the ten days they looked better and more robust than all the others who had been eating from the royal menu. So the steward continued to exempt them from the royal menu of food and drink and served them only vegetables.

   17 -19 God gave these four young men knowledge and skill in both books and life. In addition, Daniel was gifted in understanding all sorts of visions and dreams. At the end of the time set by the king for their training, the head of the royal staff brought them in to Nebuchadnezzar. When the king interviewed them, he found them far superior to all the other young men. None were a match for Daniel, Hananiah, Mishael, and Azariah.  

 The Message

                                                                                                                               fof

 My brother-in-law Brian is the only person I know who eats more veggies than my husband.   My husband likes salad but has observed that the animals in the wild that appear to be the largest, fattest animals on the planet seem to be vegans: elephants, hipopotamus, rhinocerous, manatees…all salad eaters, while the sleek, lean kings of the African plains and Eastern jungles are all carnivors: lions, tigers, and such.  Anyway,  After Brian made the salad and it was such a big hit at the beach even with my pack of carnivors, I decided to try it out on my health conscious family in Iowa on my recent visit.  On a particularly beautiful day back home on the Mississippi River I made “Brian’s Salad” for my sister Peggy and her family…We ate it for 4 days straight, sometimes for lunch and as a side for dinner. 

1 Head of Bok Choy

1 Bunch of Turnip Greens

Bag of Spinach

1 Head of Cabbage

1 Head of Lettuce

1 Bunch of Red Leaf Lettuce

1 Bunch of Sprouts

1 Bunch of Cilantro

1 Stalk of Celery

3 Lemons squeezed onto the salad

6 tb. of chopped Garlic

1/2 Vidalia or Sweet Onion chopped

Radishes ~ sliced

Cherry Tomatoes

Sliced Almonds

Sunflower Seeds

First, rinse all your veggies thoroughly.  Trust me on this, its a lesson learned the hard way: a few extra minerals are good for you, but too much grit is a bad thing as far as your fellow diners are concerned (just ask my father-in-law).  Chop every thing into small bite size pieces according to your personal size preference.  I prefer ours very small, like a chopped salad for more intermingling of flavors and textures.  Add green scallions, 8 tb. of chopped garlic, (1) vidalia onion sliced or chopped, radishes, and cherry tomatoes if available, bag of sliced almonds and a handful of sunflower seeds. Squeeze (3) lemons on top of it all and toss.  Add tomatoes onto your plate when serving.  You will be able to keep this in the fridge for 5 days with a loose cover on top saving you time in the kitchen, keeping your kitchen cooler during the summer, and providing a healthy food alternative for your family.  The salad tastes better every day and it’s so refreshing without dressing.  I recently served this gigantic salad in a punch bowl for a Friday night pizza party.  Everyone laughed about the punch bowl, but the salad was completely gone after sending a small bit of left overs home with a few new fans.  There is no fixed formula with this salad, so change it up as often as you like adding other items you prefer, being careful to add only items with a long shelf lives into the salad mix, and then adding the shorter shelf life items to your plate at the dinner table.  Otherwise, all your hard work chopping will be spoiled in short order and you will be feeding your garbage disposal in a day or two instead of your family and friends.

Resting from Chopping,

Trish

Be the Squirrel

25 Monday May 2009

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My backyard in Texas is a wonderland for two particularly playful squirrels that cause us to laugh hysterically from time to time.  The male squirrel is all guy, and you can tell that spring is in full bloom where he is concerned as day after day he seeks to swoon his lady, putting on his best little Fred Astaire dance for Little Miss Lady, the Ginger Rodgers of the backyard ballroom.  Forget Dancing WithThe Stars, we have Dancing With The Squirrels, only their’s is a three dimensional dance floor that extends into the trees and from roof top to roof top.  Fred lays around all day on our oak tree as if depressed, his arms and legs dangle from the branches of his perch unless he gets hungry, at which point he gets off his wooden couch at goes foraging for something to eat  (You ladies know what I’m talking about).  Its funny, whenever his lady friend shows up its as if someone cued the lights and said “action!”  Then, wow, what a performance:  leaping and chirping loudly at our dog Daisy from his tree perch as if saying “beat it dog, my lady just arrived.”  On one particular day he stood up on two legs and began to shake his booty from side to side, tail flickering in the wind and swaying from side to side.  I could almost hear Luther Vandrose and Lou Rawls singing backup for the little guy.   It didn’t take a squirrel expert to help me realize that romance was in the air.   Our ill informed desert dog Daisy, who never saw a squirrel until our recent move, has no idea what to think, nor did she care, Fred and Ginger were about ready to start dancing…

I suppose I always thought squirrels were squirrels wherever you went, but not so.  Their sizes and shaped differ wherever you live.  And if my back yard Lothario is any indication, they have different dispositions.  In Arizona they had “ground squirrels”, small and cheerful little guys who like their name implies, live in the ground.  They lacked the size and bushy tails of their eastern cousins, and look more like Chip and Dale than any squirrel I’ve have ever laid eyes on. 

In Iowa where I grew up, the squirrels look pretty standard, except for their beautiful black fur, unique to that area.  Growing up I took it for granted that all, or most, squirrels were this color as it was all I knew.  I still love watching those beautiful black squirrels in the evenings with my Mom from her courtyard whenever I am home visiting.  We  often will sit into the early evening until the sun sets and it is too dark to see them, but giggling at their cheerful play together as the baby squirrels leap from branch to branch until then.  I find myself wondering if they’ll miss, but with skillful dexterity, they never do.

God has given us the ability to jump from unbelief to belief…we are called to faith and called to trust.  Like the branches of a tree God’s hand is there when we take leaps of faith into His perfect will.

 As I watch our dancing squirrels  jump from  my neighbor’s roof to a trellis, I am reminded of the woman warrior in Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon (if you have not seen the movie, envision the   jumping off the dunes at Kitty Hawk aka Orville and Wilbur Wright’s first flight.), stealthily moving from limb to limb as if defying gravity, and I find myself wondering if perhaps Texas has flying squirrels… They are wonderful examples of God’s delicate, and intricate design, beautiful, sleek, agile, playful, yet taken for granted as the little scavengers of the back yard.   

So here is my question for you today.  On May 15th Oswald Chambers wrote:

“God is the Master Designer, and He allows adversities into your life to see if you can jump over them properly-”  He then cites Psalm 18:29 “By my God I can leap over a wall”  

Outrageous to think we metaphorically may look at challenges and literally jump off Jockey’s Ridge at Kitty Hawk with God offering Him praise and thanksgiving for the situation.

He asks that we believe.  Believing Him for the outlandish desires of our hearts.  Be the squirrel says HE. Be Orville or Wilbur. Jump

“The things that are impossible with men are possible with You.”  Luke 18:27 NKJV

Hope in Him and take a giant leap of Faith, not tomorrow, do it now.

Jumping and Resting in Him, Trish

P.S. If you are squirrel # 1 …be married

Passover and The Angel of Death on Golfview Lane

10 Friday Apr 2009

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Yesterday was Passover and Maundy Thursday.  Passover  marks the start of the Jewish Feast of Unleavened Bread that recognizes God’s salvation of the Jewish people from the bondage of slavery in Egypt some 4,000 years or so ago.   On the eve of Passover, on the night that Jesus was betrayed, he celebrated the Passover meal with his disciples and essentially telling them it was fulfilled in him, that the bread and wine of the Passover meal were symbolic of his own broken body and blood that would be shed on the cross just the very next day!  Spending time creatively hearing God’s word as I prepare my home for the festivities of each week not just Holy Week is vital to my soul care.

 Last Sunday Todd’s message was “What’s So Triumphant About the Triumphal Entry?  (After all Jesus was crucified by the end of the week).  He encouraged us to read through the parallel passages each day this week to review the events leading up to His betrayal, arrest, trial and crucifixion.

 Matthew 21:1-11, Mark 11:1-11 and Luke 19:29-38 were my companions, while preparing dishes for the weekend and viewing scripture filled videos as I folded laundry and ironed for Easter.  The Matthew DVD by the International Bible Society is a new Southard must this year.  Helping set all my senses to the events of the week,  I sipped chicken broth and drank grape juice,  “Wild Purple Smash,” by Wylers.  

We enjoyed a not so traditional Seder evening meal and Todd read through the story of the Last Supper, discussing the significance of Christ in the Passover.  A restful simple evening which set our hearts to the things of God.  Wikipedia (hardly an authoritative source on the Passover, but adequate for my purposes) coached me on the significance of bitter herbs( we used cilantro). Several other additions and solemn insights came from a memorable evening with my friend Susan who allowed us to celebrate the Jewish Passover with her family last year.   They do not see Christ in the Passover.

One of the most searing memories I have of Holy Thursday was reading the story of the Passover to my daughter one morning in 2000 and later watching  two four year old girlfriends, one from a Christian home, one Hindu, swipe paint brushes above doorways and giggle up and down the hallways of our apartment building.  Seeds of simple faith at work in the heart of child.

“What are you girls doing?”

“Oh Mom we are putting blood above every door way so the angel of death will pass over all these families.”

I sat the girls down and told them in very basic language the rest of the story.  I was afraid they wouldn’t realize our Lord had paid the price of the guilt of sin by his life on the cross.  My daughter laughed again….”Oh Mom I told her already and they ran off.” 

“Jesus must appear to you and to your friend individually; no one can see Jesus with your eyes.  And division takes place when one has seen Him and the other has not.  You cannot bring your friend to the point of seeing; God must do it.  Have you seen Jesus?  If so, you will want others to see Him too.  “And they went and told it to the rest, but they did not believe them either” (Mark 16:13).  When you see Him, you must tell, even if they don’t believe.”

  Chambers, April 9

It is a Good Friday!

Rest in Him, Trish

Everything is Bigger in Texas…including my bum

09 Friday Jan 2009

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Comedic rantings of a pastor’s wife recently moved to Texas…yes that’s me Trish Southard who is suppose to be unpacking boxes and I’ve been packing pounds. Packing pounds is a way to let all of you know when the Lord said “My purpose is to give life in all its fullness” in John 10:10 who knew it would include a full backside. I located our scale in a box yesterday and thought seriously about donating it to the Goodwill. I wondered how the excess fluff and fullness arrived on my posterior, and the lightbulb came on as I veiwed reciepts in my wallet. Our dining establishments this past week have been the following in no particular order….Daylight Donuts, Texas Land and Cattle Company, Smokey Mo’s BBQ, Einsteins, Moonie’s Burger House, Popeyes Chicken and Biscuits, J and J Bar-B-Que and a delicious mexican restaurant El Jardin’s. We also enjoyed and Italian dinner in catered by our friends the Palmers, a Sugar Bowl party and a Fiesta Bowl party. I asked at Moonies if they had a Trader Joe’s in town and the waitress said aaaahhhh honey its way down in south Austin, you best make due with what we have up north Austin it’s about an hours drive south of here.
The spread of girth has even traveled to our smallest furry friend Daisy. She is enjoying a new doggy door. We all noticed as the week progressed here in Austin she is having a harder time getting through. Her front half is fine, her hind quarters are carrying a bit of junk in the trunk. She consumed burgers from various diners on our way to Texas.
Our little Daisy has road poundage catching up to her. I really have no way to spiritualize this experience except to say I’ll probably need to begin fasting and turning to the Lord each time I’m tempted to turn into Moonie’s.

 I failed to mention almost all these yummy Texas establishments are within walking distance of our lovely home, my friend Ann Kroeker prayed specifically for a home close to the town center.  I have walked to Daylight Donuts.
So I’m gonna name it and claim it today …Exodus 14:13
“Don’t be afraid. Just stand where you are and watch, and you will see the wonderful way the Lord will rescue you today.”
Father rescue me from the sin of gluttony and allow me to enjoy the delicious food of Austin in moderation.

V. Raymond Edmond said it best…”Some of our shortest prayers are our most effectual ones.”