Category Archives: Comedy

Apple Cider Vinegar Medium Roast

05 Sunday Apr 2020

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It was dark when I entered the kitchen on Palm Sunday. I immediately noticed a half-full carafe of water on my husband’s coffee pot—what a pleasant surprise. I poured the water in the side cylinder and brewed up

photo of coffee mug on top of book

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his favorite decaf Dunkin Donuts medium roast.

He walked out shortly after and said, “Oh, thank you, honey, how thoughtful.”, took a sip, and suddenly a vast expanse of quiet loomed.

“Ahh, I was cleaning the pot with vinegar last night, tastes like you may have used that water.”

Nice, what a way to begin your Sunday morning. Coffee and vinegar.

As we all spend extra time together sheltering in place, are your words edging on the sour?

Do they give grace to those who hear?

Are your Zooms and calls filled with words that build up others in need?

“No rotten talk should come from your mouth, but only what is good for the building up of someone in need, in order to give grace to those who hear.

Ephesians 4:29 HCSB

 

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Cockroach Approach

29 Sunday Mar 2020

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depositphotos_31662597-Harlequin-CockroachStanding in the powder room, I noticed movement near my feet. I was fortunate to have my readers on and quickly grabbed my Mrs. Meyers dish soap, which is under every sink in our home, and squirted away. The spray did not slow Myrtle down. Side note, we grew up with a neighbor named Myrtle with sleek chocolate hair who plodded her feet hard as she walked. Beautiful woman, but we were all scared of her. She was on task, (the stream of a little soap and water were no challenge to her multiple legs approaching me. I next squirted her with Lysol toilet bowl gel. A lethal combo surely to slow her down. To no avail, her advance on me continued. I held my breath and smacked her with my Natural Grocer magazine. Ahhh, this was like fanning a southern lady in the fall, no affect. I took a deep breath and stepped on her. She was a grand roach, so it hurt to snuff her out, but alas, I was out of options.
What have you attempted to snuff out of your life unsuccessfully?
What do you allow to advance in your presence that you know is not God’s best in your life?
There is no reason to wait for God to come to you. You must turn your thoughts and your eyes away from the face of idols and look to Him and be saved. Is. 45:22
Spraying the bluebell liquid did not change the fact that a fabulously large roach was loose and soon to not only touch my shoes but be free in our home.
I glanced at the drain in the tub. It was open. When did I last pour bleach as a preventative measure? We had allowed Myrtle to waltz in and take up residence.
What needs to go in your life?
What do you need to evict forcibly?

Shovel Guy

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I walked in front of a garbage truck the whole time I was out for my lunchtime stroll. It seemed to rev up loudly each time it moved beyond a few cans. It reminded me of how it feels when a person in a bad mood makes contact with you; it’s also with the stench and noise of their bad attitude.

Daisy age 16Don’t assume ownership and try to fix the venomous words spewing. It’s not ours to own. It’s the Lord’s work to repair.

There was a neighbor who was always angry when I walked our sweet Daisy by his yard. He was so upset one day, he took a shovel and began tossing dog poo out in the street with a shovel. He said, “You people need to pick up after your dogs.” By the size of the doggy doo, I knew it was a much larger dog than Daisy, leaving him treasures. I looked over, showed him my bag and softly said we always use a dog waste bag. “He replied, I bet.” At this point, I moved quickly, so I wasn’t on the receipt of a shovel full of ….. Daisy decides to hang out by his red fire hydrant and locks in her legs and won’t move. She’s checking pee-mail, and I’m getting nervous as shovel guy moves closer. I want to lecture him on contaminating our ecosystem, but as the shovel approached, I scooped up our sweet Shitzu and walked on the other side of the street. I continued to do so each evening until he recently moved.

I couldn’t fix my neighbor. He is the Lord’s to repair.

No rotten talk should come from your mouth, but only what is good for the building up of someone in need, to give grace to those who hear. And don’t grieve God’s Holy Spirit, who sealed you for the day of redemption. All bitterness, anger and wrath, insult and slander must be removed from you, along with all wickedness. And be kind and forgiving one another, just as God also forgave you in Christ. Ephesians 4: 29-32

What Scares Me – Part 3

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Shoal Creek

Shoal Creek

Being cooped up.

I’m an outdoor girl.

Mothers Day or my birthday are usually a day of canoeing, hiking or horseback riding.

Studying for my big exam this spring I missed taking in the grape kool-aid (mountain laurel) air with honey suckle top notes.

The scent of flowers and birds singing all calm me.

My coursework of memorizing laws and regulations kept me from my daily visit to the creek to breathe in the fresh air-conditioner free air.

Stepping out for a few minutes this spring, a young gentlemen from the next building whistled out the mocking jay haunting melody making me laugh.

I must remind him of a much older Katniss Everdeen.

Getting out of the routine of being outside scares me. Spring seemed to rush by without me noticing.

Don’t be scared… go outside.

A Quiet Place With God – Part 7

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I arrived home from a long day at work to find a strange, small, white dog staring at me in my foyer with a prison orange scarf tied around her neck.

I called my husband “The mobile groomers dropped the wrong dog at our home, it’s a Shitzu, but it’s not ours.”

It was 6pm, our groomers. closed.

All I could do was sit and think of our dog at someone else’s home.

The sun began to set into an array of pinks, lavender, and even orange.

Sighing in the dark the two big eyes stared up at me.

The prison escapee was ours!

What seemed like a disaster to me was great joy to her.

She ran around the house like batman on steroids, or a man freed from jail.

The groomers had completely shaved the hair on our dog, even the tail, face and whiskers were not spared the clippers. Pink skin was peeking out everywhere.  Our dogs hair was normally 6-8 inches over its whole body much like a miniature sheep dog.

Cutting things out of your life gives you instant space and freedom.

More Quiet.

Remove enough encumbrances, not just hair, and it changes who you are.

Throw back the prison doors you’ve closed on yourself.

Sit in Gods glory.

Soak  in His Word in the psalms praising Him.

Let Him transform you as you contemplate His wonders.

Thank Him for all He has done for you.

Space moved into your day allows time for God to cast his vision into your life.

His greater purpose for your day.

A Christmas Devotion

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My family was leaving a Chinese restaurant after lunch on Christmas Eve in 2006.  A little boy about 9 years old asked his Mom if he was Jewish?  She said “No!” and the boy shouted back “RATS!”
He then asked “What I am?”  Mom’s reply was too soft to hear.  It was a teachable moment as we backed our car out of the parking lot. I asked our daughter the same question — “Who are you?”
I knew even before she answered she would say “Child of God,” because over the years we have sought to share our Christian faith and heritage with her, so that she may know she is fearfully and wonderfully created by God.  The map to who we are, where we are and come from,  must be communicated to our children, our neighbors, and our coworkers, those in our spheres of relationships as well as others who are not.

The Christmas season the world offers is a Retail Christmas.  Though exchanging gifts brings great joy, without Christ at the center it will not lead us anywhere closer to the true essence of Christ and His message, but become a distraction at the very time of the year we set a day aside to celebrate Immanuel — God with us.  Bumbling along in a haphazard existence will give our children a life with no identity, no sense of who they are, and open them up to other’s values and beliefs, man’s way and not God’s way.  They will not have a map of life.

In Barbara Tompkins Mom’s Class last year we made Jesse Tree‘s ornaments.   Our family systematically read through the story of Christ and hung ornaments on a small pink feather tree as our Christmas decorations were all packed and ready for our move the Texas the next week.  It was a comical tree with a serious message in those Jesse Tree ornaments, the story of God found in the Bible, a message of

God’s love and provision of redemption found in Jesus Christ.   

We are all unpacked this Christmas, and instead of the pink feathered tree, we are back to our home-grown artificial tree as we again tell the story of who we are in Christ by telling the story of God and his redemptive plan of salvation.  Each ornament symbolizes an accompanying Bible story that, with the help of the book The Advent Jesse Tree, Devotions for Children and Adults Preparing for the Coming of Christ Child at Christmas (Nashville: Abington Press) directs us to a daily story from the Bible and provides songs of praise to sing as a family.

As Christmas arrives our anticipation is toward the greatest gift God has given the world — the birth of Jesus the Christ, God’s own Son, Immanuel — God with us.  The Scriptures read throughout the month show us The Way, providing a clear and concise map of who we are, the identity we have in our Lord Jesus, the hope of glory.

Resting in Him,

Trish

Being Too Busy Gives You Nightmares.

08 Tuesday Sep 2009

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Being too busy gives you nightmares.  Ecclesiates 5:3 TLB

Riding to church sunday morning I glanced in the vanity mirror and noticed I was sporting one gold and one pearl earring.  This occurred even with our Sunday morning devotion on “Becoming a Woman of Excellence” by Cynthia Heald.

Clearly I’m still in the becoming stage.

My nightmare is being in public with two different earrings on. 

 Time to slow down.

Trish

Sashimi “No Cooking Allowed”

01 Saturday Aug 2009

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The men of my family head out to sea most summers, deep seas actually about 50 miles out into the gulf stream where Yellow Fin, Big Eye tuna, Dolphin, and Swordfish abound for the  to enjoy not just at the beach, but for at least 6 months afterwards as we all head home to different parts of the U.S.  The wives and daughters meet the boats and ooh and aah and cheer on our brave men back from the deep over the catch as it’s laid out before us on the dock.

The men caught 139 lbs. in a nice variety of fish and the first taste is always fantastic as it’s cut fresh that evening and bagged for freezing and traveling via suitcase.  Our first taste of  the Yellow Fin tuna is  raw in soy…aka…sashimi.

Jeff, Camille, Todd, Brian and I are passsionate for sashimi.

Raw tuna allowed to set out will start to stink and become rancid when its unholy alliance the parasite arrives to make it stink.  The tuna and the parasite have an unhealthy relationship.

Our boundary for sashimi is non-negotiable.  Tuna is toxic if the limits of raw are pushed.  We cut it fresh and enjoy it together.  Hold the thought on the company of others and the ability to remove yourself from toxicity.

Certain relationships  occasionally cause soul horror.  Think of it as the gory movie lived out in real life slashing up your sanity and invading your thoughts.  This is the raw tuna bacteria lying in wait to attack and invade when you forget the necessary boundary of fresh and cold.

My husband batter dipped Mahi Mahi for breakfast in corn meal. Later my brother-in-law Tom, an accomplished chef, worked with our daughter to create a feast of tuna bites and tuna ~encrusted with sesame seeds served with mango salsa.  The key to the delish on all the dishes is the fresh factor.  The fish is moving briskly into the company of its fellow coated friends and not allowed to set out alone.

When I encounter the above I meditate in John 10.

Stay with friends (sheep) and our Shepard (Jesus) to protect yourself from the theif aka. the bad shepherd coming through your roof (mind) .

Remember when a toxic individual tries to corner you alone, step away and remove yourself from the situation.   Chill in the company of others quickly  or be smelly.  The freshest fish will take on the odor of the stinky fish.  A miserable inedible mess.  The miserable stinky fish makes the fresh fish take on its characteristics.

Dr. Henry Cloud refers to this as following the misery in your life and make a rule.

Look at the misery, and then make a personal rule that will keep it from happening.”

The One Life Solution, Dr. Henry Cloud,  page 154

You are frying in oil when you allow yourself to meet with them or be alone with them in any situation.

Enjoying the omega 3’s,

Trish

Recipe:

Pan~Seared Teryaki Tuna

Marinate in teriyaki (30 minutes minimum or 6 hours max on the triage marinade) pan- sear tuna ~encrusted with sesame seeds in evoo till a lovely tan surface (watch closely this happens in just a few minutes)  and serve with mango salsa —- chopped mangoes,  cilantro, lime juice, tomatoes, garlic powder, pepper.  In a hurry buy the fresh salsa or if desperate in jar, and lots of chopped mango and wha..laaa, such a crowd pleas-er.

Tuna Bites

Throw cubed tuna in freezer bag with 1/2 flour  & 1/2 cornmeal with a smidge of  Old Bay and fry in peanut oil or whatever oil is handy till a lovely golden crunchy surface appears.

Be the Squirrel

25 Monday May 2009

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My backyard in Texas is a wonderland for two particularly playful squirrels that cause us to laugh hysterically from time to time.  The male squirrel is all guy, and you can tell that spring is in full bloom where he is concerned as day after day he seeks to swoon his lady, putting on his best little Fred Astaire dance for Little Miss Lady, the Ginger Rodgers of the backyard ballroom.  Forget Dancing WithThe Stars, we have Dancing With The Squirrels, only their’s is a three dimensional dance floor that extends into the trees and from roof top to roof top.  Fred lays around all day on our oak tree as if depressed, his arms and legs dangle from the branches of his perch unless he gets hungry, at which point he gets off his wooden couch at goes foraging for something to eat  (You ladies know what I’m talking about).  Its funny, whenever his lady friend shows up its as if someone cued the lights and said “action!”  Then, wow, what a performance:  leaping and chirping loudly at our dog Daisy from his tree perch as if saying “beat it dog, my lady just arrived.”  On one particular day he stood up on two legs and began to shake his booty from side to side, tail flickering in the wind and swaying from side to side.  I could almost hear Luther Vandrose and Lou Rawls singing backup for the little guy.   It didn’t take a squirrel expert to help me realize that romance was in the air.   Our ill informed desert dog Daisy, who never saw a squirrel until our recent move, has no idea what to think, nor did she care, Fred and Ginger were about ready to start dancing…

I suppose I always thought squirrels were squirrels wherever you went, but not so.  Their sizes and shaped differ wherever you live.  And if my back yard Lothario is any indication, they have different dispositions.  In Arizona they had “ground squirrels”, small and cheerful little guys who like their name implies, live in the ground.  They lacked the size and bushy tails of their eastern cousins, and look more like Chip and Dale than any squirrel I’ve have ever laid eyes on. 

In Iowa where I grew up, the squirrels look pretty standard, except for their beautiful black fur, unique to that area.  Growing up I took it for granted that all, or most, squirrels were this color as it was all I knew.  I still love watching those beautiful black squirrels in the evenings with my Mom from her courtyard whenever I am home visiting.  We  often will sit into the early evening until the sun sets and it is too dark to see them, but giggling at their cheerful play together as the baby squirrels leap from branch to branch until then.  I find myself wondering if they’ll miss, but with skillful dexterity, they never do.

God has given us the ability to jump from unbelief to belief…we are called to faith and called to trust.  Like the branches of a tree God’s hand is there when we take leaps of faith into His perfect will.

 As I watch our dancing squirrels  jump from  my neighbor’s roof to a trellis, I am reminded of the woman warrior in Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon (if you have not seen the movie, envision the   jumping off the dunes at Kitty Hawk aka Orville and Wilbur Wright’s first flight.), stealthily moving from limb to limb as if defying gravity, and I find myself wondering if perhaps Texas has flying squirrels… They are wonderful examples of God’s delicate, and intricate design, beautiful, sleek, agile, playful, yet taken for granted as the little scavengers of the back yard.   

So here is my question for you today.  On May 15th Oswald Chambers wrote:

“God is the Master Designer, and He allows adversities into your life to see if you can jump over them properly-”  He then cites Psalm 18:29 “By my God I can leap over a wall”  

Outrageous to think we metaphorically may look at challenges and literally jump off Jockey’s Ridge at Kitty Hawk with God offering Him praise and thanksgiving for the situation.

He asks that we believe.  Believing Him for the outlandish desires of our hearts.  Be the squirrel says HE. Be Orville or Wilbur. Jump

“The things that are impossible with men are possible with You.”  Luke 18:27 NKJV

Hope in Him and take a giant leap of Faith, not tomorrow, do it now.

Jumping and Resting in Him, Trish

P.S. If you are squirrel # 1 …be married

Juicy Couture Turkey

03 Friday Apr 2009

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Food on Fridays with Ann Kroeker or “Foodie Friday”  has me attempting to boil down time for everyone and serve turkey in signature “Trish’s Dishes” .

“Juicy Couture” is the brand of the lovely warm up suits all the nieces receive in bright, bold colors every Christmas from Aunt Kristi and Uncle Bri.  

Couture is the business of designing, making and selling highly fashionable clothing.  This turkey will be your business for the week, chic chef.  All custom made recipes sewn together with Christ’s love for you from me. My goal is to buy back time for you to be still with God’s gift to you, Himself the resurrected Messiah.

A 14 pounder was available @ the local HEB market.

Day 1   Cook turkey all day after rubbing with canola oil, sprinkling with salt, pepper and garlic powder  and gift wrapping with foil.  The meat is juicy and the drippings will season our dishes resplendently the rest of the week. Blanche collard greens as our side and serve with gravy bowl full of drippings.  (open the foil after the family arrives home and re-pop the bird in the oven for a few minutes to crisp crust the lovely skin… yum).

Day 2  Cook kale in a couple tablespoons of the drippings and drop in handfuls of turkey.  Add 2 cups of sour cream(fat free yogurt is a worthy substitute), 1 cup of  alfredo sauce ( Bertolli is very nice) stir all and place in bowls.  The aroma is very pleasant once the creams are added.  Force yourself past the pungent kale cooking to delight in a very simple, quick and eco-fashionable waste nothing, decadent turkey dish.

Day 3 Turkey BBQ.  Update the birds look by shredding several handfuls to serve on buns as barbecue.  My favorite sauce is made by shaking a 1/2 or 3/4 used Heinz ketchup, vinegar, a little salt, pepper, all spice and shake.  We enjoy kettle chips and coleslaw from the deli on the side.

Day 4 Todd’s Turkey Soup.  Leftover turkey, frozen peas, carrots, and whatever else you have in the freezer.  Cover with tomato sauce and water, plug in the crock pot and go.  He seasons with “Old Bay”, cuts the spiced with a bit of sugar, and others spices to taste, and uses salt and pepper and little garlic powder.  You may have your own preferred recipe.

Day 5 Turkey Pot Pie.  Strain out excess liquid from the soup and keep leftover in fridge.  Place turkey and veggie treasure inside  a pre-made “Pillsbury”crust, cover with a jar of store bought turkeygravy and bake till golden brown on top.  No food critic lives here, but seriously, this is scrumptious.

Day 6 Take the broth leftover from yesterday and spoon hot over cheese filled tortellinis. Whiff the scent of Italy, and finish with chopped tomatoes and a sprinkling of parmesan for a dreamy filling dinner.

Day 7 Fast…drink water and spend time with Jesus.  Easter is next week and your heart and soul will be where it can best be used for His purposes. Delight in His company, He is waiting for you. Your family can eat a frozen pizza.

Start Day 1 tomorrow and you’ll be fasting with millions around the world on Good Friday.  Explain the significance of fasting to them and perhaps the foundation of the discussion will spur your children on to fast one day. 

John Piper calls it “An occasion for God’s guidance”

 Scrambling to find solace from a frenzy or two that passes their way, they may remember Mom’s modeling and not because it was in the glossies.

Rest in Him, Trish